The Greater Good by Henry Brown

Author:Henry Brown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: superhero, spoof, political satire, superhero satire, antifeminist, superheroine, superhero comedy, superhero parody, spoof and farce, superhero team
Publisher: Henry Brown

7

EN ROUTE TO FIRST MISSION

The sleek blue jump jet slowed and dropped altitude as it approached the team's objective. The super team sat inside the main compartment.

Magic Token and the Masked Mangina wore their normal uniforms. Today Womyn wore a form-fitting red dress with a slit up one side and a low neckline. Not that her spectacular cleavage or skin-sational legs advertised her as a sex object, of course. She finished lacing her matching red boots and, facing the fuselage, asked, “O.L.I.V.E.R? Can you give us an ETA for our H-Hour on the AO?”

“Ain't no OLIVER, lady,” replied the plane's onboard computer. “Mah name's Bubba-John. Ah ain't got no ETA fur H-Hour on the AO but Ah kin give yew an FYI about an APB on an O.G. with the same M.O. they talked about on CSI.”

“Sacre bleau!” Exclaimed the Masked Mangina.

Womyn turned her indignant gaze to Magic Token. “What happened to OLIVER? Our Deus ex Machina was supposed to be an advanced artificial intelligence with the faux personality of a refined family butler who sometimes displays a dry British wit!”

Magic Token tapped furiously on the keyboard at the starboard work station. “Hmm. Just give me a minute to hack into the ultra super-secret hyper-secured quadruple firewalled website...ah, here we are. Hmm. It seems the OLIVER A.I. was the hot ticket item for superteams this year, but they were sold out, on backorder when our jump jet and base of operations were built. The only sentient program still in stock was an A.I. with the faux personality of a cantankerous old fart from the sticks.”

“Merde alors!” exclaimed Mangina. “Zis white trash computaire program is unaccepta-bool.”

“Y'all want me to fly this dadblamed junk heap to yer destination,” asked Bubba-John, “er what?”

“Of course we want to reach our destination,” Womyn replied.

“Well all raat then,” Bubba-John said. “Jest makin' sure yew didn't want to uninstall me on the spot er sumpthin', seein' as how Ah don't sound like some hoity-toity tuxedo-wearin' Euro-peen.”

“No offense Bubba-John,” Token said. “We were just expecting the OLIVER Program.”

“Well, la-ti-da!” Bubba-John sing-songed, sarcastically. “Reckon talkin' through yer nose and a-sippin' champaign with yer pinkie stickin' out makes a feller a better pilot. Is that it?”

“No, Bubba-John,” Token said, with a reasonable tone. “We're glad to have you. I'm sure you'll work out even better than the program we were expecting.”

“Yew shore 'bout that? 'Cause Ah kin turn on mah screen saver and let y'all do yer own thang...”

“That won't be necessary,” Womyn said. “I'm sure we'll be fine with your capable guidance.”

This seemed to appease Bubba-John.

“We're right on schedule,” Token said. “Our target is on site and should be there for another two hours.”

Looking over his shoulder, Womyn frowned grimly. “We've got to pull this off without a hitch in less than two minutes.”

Magic Token pulled his eyes away from the monitor to stare at her in perplexity, scratching his dreadlocks. “Why?”

Womyn stared back, blankly. “Because.”

“Because of what?” Magic Token asked.

“Just because. That's all.”

“What is this—Second Grade?” asked Magic Token.

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